I've been ever so saaaad for the longest time. It's gotten especially worse this school year.

I just feel very very lost and it is constantly weighing on my mind OH MY GOD SORRY EVERY JOURNAL I WRITE IS ABOUT THIS.

I have an issue, where the words seem to be all in my head and they perfectly explain what is wrong and how I feel, but when I go to write them down they seem to disappear.

( blahblah feelings and suicide and all that dumb stuff )

p.s. I love Jessica Hynes sfm

And apprently ZQ is confirmed gay so the world is right and can continue turning now that this issue has been resolved.

p.p.s. Everyone go listen to K-os right now.

As to why I am severely depressed, and unhappy with my life.

Anyways, Peter Serafinowicz just sent me a direct message on twitter.

<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

It momentarily broke the spell of how insanely insanely upset and worried I have been for the past while.

Which reminds me, oh god someone help me. My life is so over right now. I have nothing. I am pathetic. I am terrified. I feel so trapped, I really feel like all I can do now is die. There is nothing here for me. I can't do it. I can't make it.

BUT PETE SENT ME A MESSAGE. C:!!!!

uhefjkhsdkjhsdsdajk I just feel so so insanely trapped, I honestly need someone to stand next to me and just hit me. That is the only way I will ever get anything done. I am so fucked and terrified now, jesus christ I need to cry loudly and dramatically. I feel like I need claw my own skin off. I'm so fucking frustrated I actually punch myself out of fucking... just... I can't even describe it I feel so crazy right now. So so crazy.

And incoherent. And un-poetic. Let me die let me die let me die

And I just put the wrong tip of the pen in my mouth (hint: I meant to chew on the lid. Mmmmm, I hope this is non-toxic).

Anyways, I was wondering if anyone could enlighten me in the ways of GIF making (Yeah, I could go and search it myself but I'm supposed to be writing a paper now god kill me) because I am kind of burning for a gif of this:

Particular the moment where it cuts between Simon and Noel. Like 15 seconds in.

Also what Noel Fielding and Kristen Schaal have major chemistry.

Anyways guys. How does one stop procrastinating. I really want to cry but I can't focus, and when I do focus I just get really panicky and pissed off that there are no fucking references on wikipedia. YOU CAN'T JUST POST FUCKING PERCENTAGES ON WORLD POPULATION AND NOT HAVE A SOURCE. WHOEVER DID THAT, I WILL KILL YOU. I WILL PUT MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT.

Um, not entirely.

To me the healthyness of food matters more than calories. I wouldn't feel very good eating white bread or sweets or anythings like that even if the calories didn't count.

And I'd also be paranoid I'd reaquire a taste for all the junk food, for the cheese and meat and all that. Because I've noticed that taste tends to develop. When i was little tomatoes would make me gag. Now I love them. Because I changed my eating habits, unhealthy things no longer taste good too me. I have no desire for them.

At most I'd go eat really healthy, balanced meals at a restuarant for the whole day. Because my main problem with weight loss is that my metabolism is pretty much dead. I don't eat enough because I'm afraid and paranoid so my metabolism has slowed to a terrible pace.

Maybe I'd even have an omelette for breakfast.

Buhhhh, I can't check right now because my computer is really bogged up so Winamp no longer displays my music library at all (I'm starting to suspect my music library spontaneously combusted digitally, which really sucks. I don't want to add all those songs again. ):< Might switch back to itunes even though it takes a fucking eternity to open and just generally sucks at organizing stuff), but last time I checked it was 'Everyone's Dead' by the Homophones, nearly 200 times. I pulled an all nighter once and just put that song on loop while writing a Bio paper about barbiturates. It's not a particularly long song so you can just imagine.

Next is the entire of the Hissing Fauna album by of Montreal, Bunny Ain't No Kind of Rider probably comes first, or Suffer for Fashion. I think around 80 times.

I am currently really hooked on Beck, The Joy Formidable and Friendly Fires.


WHY YES YOU DID ASK ME WHAT I WAS CURRENTLY LISTENING TO. I HEARD YOU DO IT.

My god how I love you. Even when i was 12 and knew all the words to Loser, and only knew the songs that they played on the radio, I still loved you like crazy.

AND THAT LOVE NEVER DIES.

Record Club: Songs Of Leonard Cohen "Suzanne" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

FFFFFFFFFF everyone's all, 'wtf is this shit this is shit' and I'm just like, 'NO. FUCK YOU. NO.'

Maybe it's just because I'm so familiar with Beck so I'm all down with the slightly out of tune, 'dude let's hurry up and finish this so I can get a sandwich, maaaan' sort of sound but god I do so love it.

Anyways, I'm really digging this record club thing because covers + musicians collaborating are things that just make me all sorts of happy.

fffffffff someone tell me it will be alright.


I am insanely stressed out over school right now. Guys, please tell me as long as you get good marks it doesn't matter that you didn't take any requisite courses for uni/college. /o\ PLEASE LET IT BE SO.

See, I haven't the foggiest idea of what I'm going to do with my life.

But I was wondering, fuck what's going to happen if I really want to get into Art College?

I can't fit the grade 12 university art course into my schedule. I just can't. It's stressing me out so much I just want to cry.

I suppose it's my fault for going to a shitty little Catholic high school for friends that ditched me anyways, but stilll sdfjfhjafkjhjflsjhklhjkasdlf. I want to switch high schools but a) I feel bad and don't want to tell my parents because registration is $40 for this school and my parents already paid it so godiamreallyparanoidaboutmoneyandburdeningmyparentswithmyretardation. b) I am the biggest pussy on the planet.

( Let's break it down: )

TL;DR I'm a huge huge wimp and I'm going to cry so hard I don't know what to do good lord, please someone hug me ;______; I just really need a backbone, I think. GRIT MY TEETH AND TAKE IT DAMNIT, YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE LAID OUT ON A PLATTER FOR YOU.

Yes, I never ever go to Walmart and encourage others to do so as well. I've never even been there, because this avoidance of corporate evil (lol do I sound paranoid?) stems from my hippie parents.

I think this will amuse and enlighten you -> Waldemart Watch

I've also never owned a Microwave because that shit is just scary.

And cellphones. Brain tumors + possibly causing massive crop failure due to the effect of cellphone waves may or may not have on bees navigation senses IS NOT COOL. AND WE ALL LIKE BEES, RIGHT? THEY MAKE YUMMY HONEY.

I also try to avoid buying things from China, because it's just all crazy like that, my mom is also really into Buddhism so we support the Free Tibet movement.

OH, THE EFFECTS OF HIPPIE PARENTS.

And fast food/big companies in general I guess. There's a lot of good local stores and restaurants in my town that meet all my needs. I never really had a taste for fast food so yeah.

OH OH YEAH AND AND

I think this pictures summarizes my feelings about Shell pretty well, even though I refuse to drive a car anyways. My dad does avoid Shell though

Terribly. I'm insanely self-conscious, shy and aware of what other people think. So social situations = nervousness for me.

Usually I just look at my feet or the floor or the table and stay silent, attempt to find a good moment to escape. Oh, and if I do speak I stutter terribly or forget words in my sentence.

I just always feel really bad among people. I can't stand being around them. When I'm at school, I usually spend lunch breaks hiding in the bathroom. DO NOT WANT TO BE SEEN.

God, I really really don't want to go back to school. ;_________;

Essentially, Justice should not be something I enjoy. A poor man's Daft Punk. Dancey club music, highly loved by jocks and douche bags. Hell, they aren't even a BAND. They're two dudes behind a dj set, flanked by big ass speakers.

AND YET.


( JUSTICE PICSPAM. )

Though to be honest, it makes me feel really shallow. I do love their album though. Stress is awesome to listen to when you're, well, stressed. And their videos are the illest.

Does everyone get a different one? Because that's fun.

I see two piglets with the horizon being vertical, and they're feeding on something. I also see Wile E. Coyote's face.

FUCK TWILIGHT AND BASEBALL.

YOU SILLY AMERICANS.

derp derp derp stolen from postal152

The first TEN people to comment in this post get to request a drabble/doodle of any pairing/character of their choosing from me. In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability level. If you absolutely can't write, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to offer drawings or icons or something instead. Specify in your post whether you want a drabble (short fictional story) or a doodle (low-effort artwork).

FIRE AWAY, NO ONE.

I rode my first roller coaster today.

There were these five blissful seconds when we were climbing that I felt like it was going to be fun. We were supposed to be measuring the G-force and I had the little gravity measuring device clutched in my fist. I was entrusted with it.

But oh god I lost it at the first drop. And by 'it' I mean my mind.


( In summary Im a giant wimp )

wuthi i'm sure you are all interested as I am the most boring person to ever write words in the history of word writing.

Okay, so I am basically running my friend's school presidency campaign.

WHAT WOULD CONVINCE YOU TO VOTE FOR SOMEONE?

Mind you, this is high school, so superficiality is key. Last year, Peter Guo won because: 1) He's asian. 2) He said he doesn't have a facebook (hypocrisy: he has a facebook account now). So far me and Renee have tried composing a rap song for Katie. Nerdy white girl rapping about school = WINNAR, AMIRITE.

Campaigning ideas:

( EXCESSIVE LIST HERE )

SOOOOO. WHAT WOULD CONVINCE YOU/DO YOU HAVE SUBSTANTIAL IDEAS OH GOD I WILL FAIL TERRIBLY AT THIS.



That is a good question, scary androgynous white guy.

Guys.

My dad. He was on 4chan.


My brain broke to little pieces when I glanced at the screen.

My face was this ->



(I swear one day I will use that picture on every blog/messageboard/html box ever.)
(also WUT he totally has a Clint Eastwood thing going on right there. Clint Eastwood when his mouth was pistol whipped off of half his face. Clint Eastwood is relevent to my interests.)

p.s. Stuns nuts.

p.p.s. Bret is short for Breton. Awesome.

OhgodOhgod Oh goooooooooooooooooooood.

I've cornered myself into a terrible cycle. I work late into the night because I'm too exhausted to think because I worked late into the previous night. D:

Also I am continuously distracted from working by a strong urge to go vomit and run hundreds of miles because I've gotten so god damn tubby from sitting in front of the computer trying to work.


Dear school, my attempt to improve my life by excelling at you has ruined my life.


Agh, fuck.

p.s. I see you thar. Logging out every time I log in. ):

And I'm such a freak that I jog in the winter. I jogged nearly every day on the park path, no matter how deep the snow was. My muscles ached from jogging in winter boots. It was pretty fantastic.

AND I SAW WATCHMEN. OH GOD IT WAS AMAZING. _{/ending was kind of dissapointing though. I prefer the giant squid}

 Whathi I hate myself terribly.

On the internet.

I'm so glad the internet has not become our second reality yet, because I would get arrested on a regular basis for stalking. If the internet was reality, it'd be as if I was staring through the window of Taika Waititi's house, checking out what he's watching on tv.

Yeah. I'm that good.

In other news, hurr Taika likes Bruce Springsteen.

Also Greg/Murray is my new OTP.

Also I wish I had something else to talk about besides Flight of the Conchords.

Well, I do. It would just take forever to write out and be completely uninteresting.

Also, yeah.

In last night's episode, Mel stares and Bret and Jemaine, slightly scared, and says, 'I don't know who you are anymore'.

I think that sums up season 2 pretty nicely.

But Bret saying 'viscosity' was awesome. (science vocab makes me happy?)
AND GREG DANCING.
And Mel NOT staying for the gig.


HURR, ANYWAYS. I MISHEAR THINGS AND LAUGH VERY HARD AND CREATE AWKWARD MOMENTS IN RELIGION CLASS.